Extracted from an article (with the same title) by Teo Pau Lin in the February 22 issue of The Sunday Times, Singapore:
"They hold on to something that the rest of the world is eager to throw away. Modern-day virgins still believe that sex is meant only for marriage, no matter what movies, songs and friends may say."
PROPERTY AGENT ROYSTON KWEK is glad that he and his wife remained virgins until they tied the knot in 1999. He believes his current marital happiness is due largely to that decision.
"Having pre-marital sex is like plucking a lower before it's reached maturity. The flower is not allowed to reach full bloom," he says.
The 30-year-old Christian met his wife, part-time tutor Christina Tang, now 27, in church. They dated for four years before getting married. They now have a one-year-old daughter, Gloria. He says he and his wife enjoy a level of emotional security which would be difficult to achieve had they given in to pre-marital sex.
"There are no flashbacks of secual experiences with previous partners. When you make love, it is fully with your spouse and your spouse only. It's totally exclusive," he says. "We also don't fight about our ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. We were never as intimate with them to begin with."
Exercising self-control and discipline before marriage has also given him more self-confidence. "It's only when you've been entrusted with small things that you can take care of big things," he says. "My wife trusts me. When it comes to big commitments like money or career, I have confidence in myself and other people have confidence in me too."
He admits that there were definite temptations during their four-year courtship. "But it wasn't very difficult. We both grew up in church. Knowing that it wasn't something we should do was in our blood," he says with a laugh.
"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." -- Romans 8:5,6
HOW EDIFYING TO READ OF couples like Mr Royston Kwek and his wife! Providentially, Dorothy Chia from The Prompt had earlier completed and published the results of her interviews with a number of Catholic singles in an article entitled Sex and Singles: Catholic Young Adults Speak Out .....
Some of the interesting and meaningful points of views include:
"God made man and woman, and said that the 'two shall become one' (Genesis 2:24) and 'be fruitful and multiply' (Genesis 1:28). Only through the Sacrament of Matrimony, that is marriage, does a man and a woman 'become one'. And therefore, it follows that sex should only stay within marriage, and sex is the consummation of marriage. Sex outside marriage is a false union between two persons who are not truly united as 'one flesh'." -- Catholic male, single, 20s
"It is an extremely intimate form of sharing/expression. I see sex as a physical expression of love, trust and commitment. I think that having sex while dating leaves you wide open to being hurt emotionally because it assumes a level of trust and commitment that may not exist." -- Catholic female, single and unattached, 20s
"It's not enough to say 'I love the person and therefore I will sleep with him/her.' Sex has a real consequence of forging a very strong bond. If it turns out that the relationship breaks up for whatever reason, I believe the emotional impact on a couple who have had sex would be far more devastating than one that maintained their chastity. In a sense, sex gets in the way of a rational assessment of the other party as a suitable life partner. I remember a friend saying (before she got married) that she's glad she is not sleeping with her boyfriend because she can at least work out the issues they have in a sensible manner. They (both Catholic) eventually married and the marriage they have is something I hope one day to be blessed with." -- Catholic male, single, 30s
Would like to write more on this. But not yet. Nothing profound comes to mind other than the importance of intimacy with the right people (that is, our spouses only), the adverse (physical, emotional and spiritual) consequences of premarital and extra-marital sex, and so on -- which others have already voiced out earlier in one way or another.
Would do better to quote the insights of a great saint such as Mother Teresa who is ever ready to learn from 'the poor people' (as recorded in Jesus, The Word To Be Spoken), "The poor people... can teach us many beautiful things. The other day one of them came to thank us and said, 'You people who have vowed chastity, you are the best people to teach us family planning because it is nothing more than self-control out of love for each other.' "